Lam Cong Dinh was born on August 29, 1980 in Hong Kong at 2:45 PM. Although his life was cut short, he accomplished so much throughout his 22 years of life. Lam was 240 pounds at 5’11″ but, despite the way he towered most people and how his size may have intimidated some, he was always a loving and gentle person. He completed his college education with honors majoring in Economics and devoted much of his time helping out those who were in need of food, money, even love, and friendship. He always extended a helping hand to anyone regardless if you were a family member, a friend, or even a stranger. He loved life and approached all obstacles with positive ferocity. He was an explorer, always searching for something different or adventurous. While studying in Europe, he traveled to 10 different countries for 2 ½ months and came back to his family and friends with amazing animated stories and experiences they all envied. Can you believe anyone would have the nerve to go water rafting in treacherous European waters and not know how to swim? Granted he was wearing a life jacket but its one of the wild things Lam would do, just because it was a once in a lifetime experience. When given the opportunity to become a leader for young teens in a youth church group, he opened himself up to many strangers his feelings of sadness, happiness, and vulnerability. His leadership skills, sincerity, humor, and enthusiasm was so popular, he was repeatedly requested to assist the team in Orange County, San Diego, and even Boston, Massachusetts. He didn’t only get involved helping adolescents in church groups, but he was also a mentor to those who faced their first year in college. He had the ability to communicate to people that drew people to adore and respect him. If you met Lam for the first time, you would have walked away feeling you’ve known him for years. Never judgmental or critical, if he saw you feeling down, he always put his bear arms around you and ask, “what can I do to help?”.
As busy as he always was, he was a family man. He always made time to express to his parents how much he loved and appreciated them. For his younger siblings, he was there as their oldest brother and their most trusted friend. He was their mentor and someone whom they all looked upon for guidance and encouragement.
To everyone’s surprise, Lam was diagnosed with non-testicular cancer in the lungs on April 15, 2002. He had only 14 more units at the University of California, Irvine to complete until he graduated. He had a prestigious job waiting for him at the end of his graduation in June and his dream of going to Africa to teach young children had to be put on hold. For the first time in his life, something kept him behind his schedule. Chemotherapy and endless agonizing pain proved too much for him and he was forced to drop out of his remaining courses and give up his pending occupation. Even though he was physically exhausted and 40 pounds lighter within one and half months of chemotherapy, he managed to walk at his graduation. He knew that he wasn’t going to get his diploma until he completed the remaining 14 units but he also remembered that it was his parents’ dream to see their first son walk down that successful aisle. Despite how excruciating it was for him to fulfill their dream, his love for them, far greater than the love for himself, he walked that long awaited path. Throughout the seven months from his sickness to his death, he never expressed openly to anyone how hard it was for him emotionally and physically because he never wanted others, especially his family, to hurt and cry for him. He always mentioned to many that he was going to go fishing with dad, help mom get her education, take a long vacation, play volleyball again, help out his dad and mom at work, get his diploma from UCI once “this little ordeal was over.” Anyone who was ever around Lam during the past seven months would have saw that this sickness was a roadblock in his life but he never let it stop him from dreaming about his future and he never stopped preparing himself for those moments. The thing that he looked forward to most was the removal of his tumors through surgery. After extensive treatment of chemotherapy, surgery was one of the many things that kept his spirits up because, in his heart, life, after surgery, would finally be back to the way it used to be. He had his first surgery on his right lung on September 16, 2002. He stayed in intensive care unit (ICU) for 2 days and the hospital room for 10 days. He came home for 15 days to recover from his first surgery. On October 11, 2002, he went in the operating room, still weak from the first surgery, to operate on his left lung. For one entire month, he remained in ICU where he passed away due to complications from an unbeknownst infection spreading like fire in his right lung before he was on the operating table for his second surgery. He was truly not ready for his second surgery but was given the impression that he was from one of his doctors. After two and a half weeks, he recovered from his infection and fever and was critically stable for a few days. Another problem struck and he developed yet another infection on his left lung. It was an infection that doctors had no way of treating. His immune system, already weak since chemotherapy began, was not strong enough to fight off new and different infections. Most of all, he was too weak to fight the tumor which grew back rapidly invading the only place in his body that gave hope to living. Hope diminished. From there, he developed a fever and slowly his body gave away. Liver failure, kidney failure, and his lungs collapsing more each day making him 100% dependent on the respirator proved too much for him to handle. Due to his dependency of the tube for oxygen to his lungs (that blocked his vocal cords) he was never able to utter one word to his family and friends before he passed away. It doesn’t stop us from remembering how much he did try to tell us that he loved us. We remembered how hard it was for him to open his eyes to look at us when we tried to tell him for the last time how much we loved him. We all remembered how hard he tried to raise his arms up to give his mom one last hug and how the only way he was able to express himself and his love to his family was through the tears trickling down the side of his face. We all remembered how hard it was to tell him that it was okay to let go so that he would no longer suffer from the pain and we all remembered how he finally let go after he heard each one of his family member tell him that it was okay. We now know that he held on to his pain and suffering for so long for our sake. That is why he didn’t need to tell us that he loved us, because we already knew. We all lost Lam on November 11, 2002 at 9:08 PM. It was only 6 months and 27 days after he was first diagnosed and 2 months and 12 days after his 22nd birthday.
Lam never gave up his faith in God, even when the cancer was eating him away mentally, emotionally and physically. He told our parents briefly when he was first diagnosed with cancer, “I’m not afraid to die because I know that I’ll be with God and that we’ll all meet again in heaven one day. My greatest fear isn’t death. My only fear is leaving all those who love me behind.”
Lam, we really miss the way you made us laugh and all the jokes you played on us. We really miss the way you would cook for us even if it was late at night just so that we could wake up with something to eat and even when you were ill and tired from chemo. We really miss the way you would sneak into our rooms to talk and to see how we were doing. We really miss the way you would smile and how everything always seemed better when you said it would be and how we would walk by your room and always see you busily working on some new project of yours. We really miss waking up in the morning, going downstairs and seeing your groggy-eyed face and hearing you simply say, “hey.” We really miss the, I do but I don’t really want to say it “I love yous” and the “wassups.” We really miss the long talks about our problems, dreams, happiness, tears, fears and life and how you loved us so genuinely. Most of all, we really miss being able to tell you how much we really looked, and still look, up to you. Lam, God won this battle of tug-of-war with us because He loves you in a way that our love could never live up to. He needs you by His side because he needed a strong leader for his angels. Just know that we’re proud of who you are and what you’ve become. You have instilled in us the greatest memories that can never be forgotten. We will live each day remembering you and learning from you all that was virtuous and right. Now all we have left from you are the wonderful memories and the time from today until the time we meet again. We love you Lam and you will never be forgotten.
Note: As mentioned before, Lam fell short of 14 units to graduate, just a few short weeks before finals, with his Bachelor’s degree in Economics with honors. After he died, UCI finally saw all of his hard work of maintaining good grades, getting involved whole-heartedly in different clubs and contributing a lot of his time and effort to become a mentor to UCI’s incoming students to prepare their life for the challenges that college brings. Most of all, they recognized the effect he had on many individuals and felt that he deserved his diploma dated June 15, 2002. Lam, all your hard work really did pay off and we’re all very proud of you.
-The Dinh Family